Faced with his son’s bitter disappointment Sunday night at having to wait one more day to get the latest Samsung at the T-Mobile shop, Dan Miller, 45, expected to feel a sense of impotence and self-recrimination for leaving his wallet at home.
What a surprise, then, when Dan discovered he really didn’t give a damn.
In fact, Dan found the tantrum his son, Darry, threw in the parking lot rather hilarious.
“I had no idea Darry could be that funny,” Miller chortled. “In hindsight, the timing could not have been better. The smart phone box was in his hand when I told him I’d forgotten my wallet. His face turned this shade of cherry red. With his blonde hair, his head looked like a big zit. And then he handed the box back to the clerk and started this shallow panting, almost like an asthmatic wheeze. It was just darling.”
In the parking lot, Darry apparently took it to a whole new level. He jammed his hands in his pockets and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. When his father asked “Ah honey, what’s a’matter?” in an intentionally patronizing tone, Darry snapped. He accused his father of leaving his wallet at home on purpose!
“It was so precious the way he said it. I knew right then I had to escalate this,” Miller commented. “I told him not to worry. We could stop at the Quick-E Mart and pick up a $10 Go-Phone.”
“I DON’T WANT A GO PHONE!” Darry screamed.
‘Idoughwannagophone!” Dan mocked, at which point Darry stamped his left foot, declared he never gets what he wants and his father doesn’t care. Sources close to the incident suggest Darry was right.
“In all my seven months, I’ve never seen anyone react like that,” said Sheila Reynolds, a service rep at T-Mobile who witnessed events from inside the store. “Just watching from the window, I could tell – Mr. Miller really didn’t give a fuck.”
Other witnesses confirmed Reynolds’ account.
“I was concerned at first. Then I saw it was that rude little shit, Darry Miller,” explained May Edwards, 74. “It’s hard to give a damn when it’s a kid like that. But Dan was amazing. The fuck that he didn’t give – it was infectious. It wasn’t long before we were in tears.”
Edwards, joining in, suggested Darry might be happier with cans on a string.
“Darry bolted to the car to sulk after that,” said Miller with an arm over his new friend’s shoulder.
The only thing that worried Dan was how Darry’s mother, Tonya, would take the news. After all, “it takes two to make an irredeemable putz,” he observed.
In a phone interview, Tonya admitted that her knee jerk reaction was to blame Dan for leaving his wallet. But seconds later, she realized she didn’t give a damn either. “All this time, I thought the point of buying your kids things was just to make others jealous. Who would have thought that raising such a selfish prick could be so entertaining? People say we throw the best parties these days.”
Several families in the community acknowledged that the Millers’ dinner parties are the place to be each weekend with Darry’s fits of anger a popular entertainment. The tirade at his 16th birthday party, when the Millers reneged on their promise of a car, is considered legendary.
When asked if this experience would change the way the Millers raise their four younger children, Dan was emphatic.
“Hell no. Where’d be the fun in that?!”